Exhaustion is NOT the Yardstick That Measures Success

For many of us, we spend the lion’s share of our young adult and mid-lives acquiring educational prowess, climbing various goal-driven ladders, and/or seeking approval or accolades from others. Often we bite off more than we can chew to demonstrate our commitment, or to impress. The end result? Physical and emotional exhaustion.

We live in a world surrounded by a culture that tells us we aren’t doing enough, we don’t have enough, and that we are not enough, and it doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a company, or a stay-at-home parent.

Most people have a hard time delegating, or even wanting to delegate, because we tend to justify our existence through hard work, equating success and results with struggle. And so, we wear our struggle like a badge of honor.

Have you ever been in the company of someone who is emotionally and/or physically exhausted? We all have! It looks like this:

·         Irritability/Quick to Anger;

·         Mood Swings;

·         Easily Distracted;

·         Chronic Fatigue;

·         Anxiety;

·         Unplanned Weight Gain/Loss;

·         Various Physical Ailments;

·         Self-Sabotaging Vices; and

·         Sleep Disturbances (which exaggerate the above).

 When we continually function within this go-go-go lifestyle, it eventually takes a toll on every aspect of our lives, and often our relationships suffer in the wake. Those that live in this state of mind often don’t like the person they’ve become, and can be uncomfortable to be around. But, you’re winning at the game of life, right? We then form habits around this pace of existence which then becomes the benchmark in how we define ourselves and our self-worth.

Busy = Productive; Not Busy = Not productive/Valuable.

 BUT, if you don’t want to burn yourself out, you have to stop living like you’re on fire.

Changing jobs or our schedules alone will not do the trick; we have to change the way we think. Consider this -- the people who matter most to us don’t love us for what we do, or what we do for them, they love us for who we ARE. If you have people in your life that value you based upon what you can do for them, you need to reevaluate your circle -- but that’s a different topic altogether.  

Here are some ideas on ways to recharge and create some balance. First, keep this in mind and remind yourself of it often: You must practice self-compassion if you want to truly be able to care about and be helpful to others in your life. Read that again! The take-home message is that you can’t be all things to all people at all times.

To begin to shift your way of thinking, start with some self-reflection. What does the hamster wheel feel like for you? Be honest with yourself. When I get into this mindset, I can feel myself becoming judgmental (“Why isn’t (s)he working as hard on this as I am? Why am I the only one who seems to think this is important? Why must I always have to check in with so and so to get an update on where things are with (x) project?”). I notice that my patience also seems to run paper-thin, and I find ways to interject humor to make a point. These are all red flags that I need to stop and do some self-reflection, and reevaluate the circumstances and my attitude. Make a list of your red flags and be daring enough to inquire with your closest peeps on what they see when you’re flirting with the threshold of the go-go-go mentality.

Begin to set boundaries. “No” is a complete sentence. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. Begin to practice this when you are next asked to do something. Evaluate whether you're doing it out of some perceived obligation or to prove your worth. Ask yourself what’s really important, and work from that perspective.

Start engaging in regular acts of self-care. We cannot be ON all of the time and expect to function optimally. What are your passions, hobbies, interests?  What calms, centers, and recharges your battery? If I find myself ruminating on something, a walk, or some form of vigorous, purposeful movement, allows me to focus on something else. Afterwards,  I am in a much better mood and can revisit the situation from a clearer frame of mind. Oftentimes when I revisit, I find that my mind has confabulated a story that is untrue, and that I had created a stress response around that. Find an activity that centers you and then make time for it—no matter what. It may feel uncomfortable at first, and that's okay. Changing your routine and responses takes practice.

Life should be viewed from this lens: The only thing that ever matters in success or achievement is your achieving the things that you want to achieve. So, if you’re setting standards and you’re feeling uncomfortable, tweak the standards and ratchet it back a notch. Give yourself a break. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Lighten up. Be easier. Go slower. Take it easy. Have more fun. Love yourself more. Laugh more. Appreciate more.

A Rolex and a Timex keep the same time. Rolls Royce and Chevy get to the same destinations. Instead of spending so much time pursuing things, spend time with those you love. Make lasting memories.

All is well; enjoy the journey!

With much sugar & a lot of soul!

Rhonda